Giant Flying Ant

giant flying ant

Be nice to all living things is a part of the Buddha’s teachings and it is conceptually a great idea that promotes peace and true harmony. I have two dogs and a cat at home and man I love them, feed them and look out for them. Forget about the cat he is a bothersome a-hole but dogs are smart and easily adapt to the ebb and flow of life. They have feelings and personalities much like humans. Dogs love, care and protect you in reciprocation for the way we treat them. It’s the Buddha’s principle in motion, every little action there is a reaction and it’s beautiful thing you know?

The other day I was on a 6 x 8 foot concrete patio thinking about how cruel life can be and I was having a shit day. My two dogs were with me and they were off doing their thing so I stood on the patio and zoned out in a malaise. I noticed a bug on the patio and was quickly concerned because it was like something foreign, like from another planet. It was diabolical looking. I thought it was the ugliest thing ever, so I stepped on that son of a gun and my golly in cold blood annihilated him. I felt relief and a sense of peace for a few minuets and then I felt bad for what I had done. I broke the cycle of the Buddha’s teachings but then I lamented on my dirty deed and challenged the teachings of Buddha.

I thought to myself should I have tried to talk to the bug? I mean really get to know him? I later found out it was a giant flying ant. What’s worse than an ant? It is a giant ant that can fly. So, was I supposed to get to know this giant flying ant before killing him? Hey giant flying ant, what bands are you into? Do you like coconut water? I sure do. How do you feel about the election? Are you on Facebook? Where did you go to school? Oh really, you guys don’t go to school? Wow, flying ants no school for you guys huh? Yea, it’s probably due the lack of brain mass on a count of the flying ant’s brain being a grain of sand. That giant flying ant had nothing on his mind except biting, eating and fucking. I did not like the sight of him or the cut of his jib so I killed him. Now, about a minute later I saw a regular ant come over to the severed body of the giant flying ant. The regular ant starts to eat the flying ant for about a minute and half way through his eating he got full and he just picks up the rest of the flying ant and carries the remaining carcass towards the lawn.

So I saw the regular ant carry the body to his ant hill a few feet away where I assume he will be reunited with his equally grotesque looking ant wife and snot nosed ant kids to bring the offering of their favorite meal, dead flying ant. So I waited a few moments just as he got to the anthill and greeted his family and WHAM! I hit it with spade shovel and I sent that whole anthill upside down. Then I started hitting the anthill with a chopping motion for about two minutes. I reckon that beating the ant hill with the edge of the shovel did not quite satisfy me so I proceeded to impregnate the anthill with a mixture of two cycle engine oil and gasoline then I proceeded to ignite it with a Bic lighter and a can of WD-40. So yea. I guess I’m not a Buddhist?


Sonny Vitkauskas



Sonny Vitkaukas

Sonny Vitkaukas

Drummer, Writer, Podcaster, Advocate

One Response to Giant Flying Ant
  1. Shawn Reply

    I did this same thing last Saturday. Now I have heartburn. It’s good to have common interests

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